Expectation VS Reality.

Here's a little musing of mine from something that I stumbled across while mindlessly scrolling through Facebook during work. Look away if you do not have an appetite for satire or sarcasm. :3

Something my blog will be full of actually....

Sorry, not really sorry.

ANYWAAAAAAAAAAAAAY~

This was being shared (quite a number of times actually) and it got me thinking....

Sounds like and looks a dream, yes? 

Truthfully, my attention went to the house first and the random person riding a white horse at the edge of the picture rather than the caption. Immediately a part of me went 'yes, I wouldn't mind living like that', and coming from a true blue city girl you know shit is real.

I mean look picture this for a second - a damn nice cosy home by the lake (which hopefully has ZERO mosquitoes breeding there) with a husky to keep me company, a horse to go our riding on and also wifi. Cause you know, to get on Tumblr and Youtube, that is clearly needed. Not bad right?

Also, this really reminds me of the movie with Keanu Reeves where he falls in love with a tenant of his current home via love letters and then finds out that they live in two different years. There had been a big confusion in the middle with them being of two different times yet have already met and yet not quite so. Confusing but absolutely romantic because at the end, they end up together anyway.

Imagine meeting the love of your life as handsome as Keanu & live together happily ever after on a gorgeous lake house. YES PLEASE, THANK YOU. Shut up, one can dream.

But let's think realistically about the idea as a whole......

1. Shutting off mobile phone.

Yeah right, like that is ever going to happen for real.... This will never last for me; at least not for more than a couple of hours before I start breaking out in a rash and start having a mini panic attack for disconnecting with the world.

Sometimes going cold turkey isn't exactly the best idea.

2. Sell my car.

Not that it is actually mine to sell, though I am not too sure about this. Cause on one hand the money can definitely go to buying the dream lake house (or else I could probably only afford like a square feet of the place) even if my secondhand MyVi isn't going to earn me much.

Ideal lake house found online. Little kayak optional.

Though if  I live here...... The sold MyVi is starting to sound really worth it.

Then OMG, what if the market or stores is really far away from where I live? It wouldn't be a surprise since places like these are usually placed in quite secluded parts of the woods that is far from civilisation. We've watched enough movies to know that.

You don't expect me to ride the horse to get groceries or sundries? That's crazy and also not fair to the poor creature having to carry extra weight on top of doing more exercise than necessary.

3. Move to a cabin in the woods.

Maybe overseas this is a good idea cause the weather is nice and the scenery is too. At least that's what I presume from pictures & movies - but then again you know how the saying goes the grass is always greener on the other side....

But yeah just think of all the mosquitoes (which our country is full of, especially the aedes kind), lizards and different kinds of bugs that range from small to freaking gigantic in size. Also the creepy, cold and gross looking lizards! Have I mentioned those already cause that is a big big big BIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIGGG issue. Plus those that grow in the wild are infinitely bigger and uglier than those that are breeding in our house right now. No thank you.

I am also guessing that you will be sooooo far from everyone and everything. So no internet, phone and also nobody nearby. Expect to have next to no friends unless there's a farm or something close by which I really doubt.

Which brings me to the next point...

4. Live off the land.

By eating what? Grass and leaves is it?

Unless you have a green thumb and a talent to grow vegetation, which most people are not or else you'd have your own greenhouse rather than buy things from the grocery store - then you're probably shit out of luck.

There goes your chance of getting delivery of pizza or burger cause I really doubt they'd wanna deliver your meal when you live in some godforsaken forest. Plus that totally doesn't count as living off the land unless you know, you grow the tomatoes & kill your own cows yourself.

So load up on canned food, instant & frozen ones too. Cause you're going to need that when you can't easily drive to the grocery store when you need things to eat/cook. Be prepared to slowly grow unhealthier by the day.

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This whole living happily at some cabin in the woods is only safe when you live in some fairy tale alternate universe. Unfortunately in reality, there's far too many crazies for it to ever be entirely safe to live in a desolate place - even if you have lots of deadbolt locks on every door & window.

Haven't we have enough thriller movies to warn us that staying alone in a faraway place is the worst idea ever? Like the Hills Have Eyes 1 & 2, then there's also I Spit On Your Grave which I personally think is the worst one. Stressed throughout the whole movie I tell you.

So yeah, go stay in some cabin by the lake with no connection to the outside world via phone or internet. Then do your own thing while someone stalks you in the bushes for days and terrorize you whenever there is a chance, watch you as you sleep at night through your windows. In the midst of all of this you will feel the creepy feeling of someone watching your every move but never understood why or see anyone whenever you turn around.

Before you know it, one night while you're all alone at home just indulging in a book or dinner, everything goes black. Then when you finally come to, you're tied up and looking at the face of some inbred deformed person sneering creepily at you (if you're lucky then there is only one. but movies tell you otherwise and so does common sense).

If you're lucky, death will be granted quick. Though most of the times there will be plenty of nasty and torture in between before these people get bored - can go from a week to a month, maybe even a year. By then death is a gift because they might torture you slowly before killing you, chopping you up into pieces before being baked into a pie.

Though imagine.... They chop you up small piece by piece but still keep you alive, then after cooking you they also feed it back to you. Like in Hannibal.

OH MY FUDGE OF A JEEBUS!

I don't wanna be cooked into a pie. I love pie but I don' wanna eat my own flesh. Wtf maximum. 

This is a sign that I should stop reading so many criminal novels & watch Hannibal so obsessively. Also I don't know if it's a good or bad thing that I have an overly active imagination, especially when it's not the rainbows & unicorns kind. Meep.

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Until next time lovelies!