Half empty.

So last night, I watched an update by Bubz and it got me thinking....  Am I really that negative of a person and is it bad for me?

Q & A | Retiring Youtube?

For those who know me very well would know that I adore Lindy to bits. It's kind of crazy to think that I've been watching her videos since way back in the day when she was still living in Northern Ireland, first introducing Tim as her boyfriend and sharing with us the day she was proposed to, getting married and now they've got little Isaac!

There is so many things about her that sets her apart from several other Youtube personas and the one thing I adore about her the most is how much she bonds with her subscribers. Plus she's always giving good advises on how to grow as a person in the best of ways - which I believe a lot of us struggle with, particularly myself.

Anyway, I completely digressed. But the point of me writing this is after watching the newest video on BubzVlogz, it got me thinking about how I view things in my life and that is affecting how I view the world. It is almost completely unrelated to the Youtube video as a whole. LOLOL.

Somewhere in the Q&A session, Bubz talked about how she deals with heartache and disappointment. Honestly I feel like she's such a strong person to be able to still be so optimistic in the midst of so much crap. I'm sure there are lots of things that she is going through but do not show us and that's fine, it is her prerogative to do so. Yet she still manages to look pass all of that and find ways to grow stronger rather than dwell on the negatives.

Which made me realize that I am quite the negative person.

Then I remembered that at some time in the early of this year, I decided to try something new. It was a challenge for myself to complain about my life a whole lot less, or at all really, to stop being so negative about every single thing that is happening whether big or small and start being grateful. Sounds pretty easy eh?

Seeing as I am such a negative potato head I thought maybe this will change my perspective in life. So, determined to complete this self-challenge, I told myself to give it a go since I have anything to lose from doing so anyway.

Fast becoming one of my favourite mottos in life. Plus look at the fluffy ears & tail - super cute. 

The challenge for myself is to go at least a month with an optimistic outlook on life and.... Let's just say I barely lasted a week before I was a giant ball of frustration.

Initially I was kind of pumped up about this little soul searching challenge, hoping that in some small way it will turn a lot of things around and make me see the world in a more beautiful way. Going by something Bubz always tells us is that 'there is a treasure in every trial, there is always a reason to laugh, love and learn'. This is my attempt at being a more cheerful and grateful person.

Though a week later when everything just felt like the bad things kind of snowballed from meh to a freaking hurricane, I lost track of my own little challenge. I started looking at things in a negative light, blaming small little mishaps on everything around me and ultimately I just felt angry at literally everything. And also everyone.

Ultimately, after a ramble, I realized that I can almost never be that way. Not without really trying my damnedest to think of all the good things. It's just not in my nature to be all 'I LOVE THE WORLD #POSITIVEVIBES' or 'THINK POSITIVE AND THE WORLD WILL BE FULL OF RAINBOWS AND BUTTERFLIES' especially not when I am feeling down in the dumps.

I just... I, physically and mentally, cannot. It makes me cringe whenever I try and even at some odd times when I do feel that way, I even get annoyed with myself. HAHAH.

Honestly what I would really need is just a moment for myself to sulk, cry, vent or anything that will let me get whatever that's frustrating me off my chest. Then after I would just confront the problems head on and then see where things goes from there. If some time to myself doesn't work then there's always violent thriller movies or games to try as a last resort.

I know it makes me sound like such an angry person. But weirdly enough, I am not too sorry being the grump that I am and also mad happy that my friends still love me in spite of that.

It's just the way my brain is wired and I'm sick of people telling me 'Look on the bright side! Think positive and you will automatically feel that way!'. Somehow it really doesn't help me feel any better at all and I don't know why, it has more of an opposite effect.

Motivational stuff doesn't work on me ohkay, so don't try and force it because this ship ain't sailing. Don't even guilt-trip me over this too because... No. At the end of the day, you know what I say to all of that load of bull crap?

FUCK YOU, POSITIVELY. :3

Originally from tumblr

Ohkay, sorry about the random profanity.

What I meant to say is that it's very clear that I am a 'glass is half empty' kind of person and honestly, that's fine with me. I mean, I do believe in seeing the silver lining and despite my negative outlook on life, I definitely know that there is a treasure/lesson in every trial.

So I'd have to go through the crappy things and learn from it after persevering, rather than brushing the problem under the carpet with the pretense of 'think positive and it will go away' mindset. Plus there's no reason to pretend to be all happy and all when deep down I know that I am not.

Though to be fair I am trying to be a more grateful person in general rather than dwell on just the bad things that have happened. But this is a learning curve for me and changing completely is obviously not going to yield the best results.

Anyways, TL;DR, after a failed attempt at being a permanent positive sunflower and also some soul searching, I finally discovered the main reason why I am such a pessimist.

Ready for it?
...............................

Are you ready for the ultimate revelation?
..................................................

Truth is........... 

I am........ 

EEYORE~

Originally from tumblr. 

No, that doesn't mean that I am an ass. I guess occasionally I can be one but that's besides the point and I am not literally one if you get my drift. But you gotta admit, especially those select few that understands me really well, the resemblance is definitely there. Most of the time.

Plus I've been wanting to use this line for a while now. It's no wonder why this character, out of all the other ones in the Winnie the Pooh stories, is I was most attached to. Though, if you've actually paid attention to the things that Eeyore says, he is actually the smartest of them all because he's a realist.

And that ends my random thought for today. Let me go bury my nose in the new book and MAYBE be hardworking enough to edit pictures from the other day's launch party before writing a mini blog post.

Until next time lovelies! Bye!