First two weeks of AdMint-ing

So from my previous blog entry (HERE) most of you know that I have recently switched jobs. Although I was rather vague about what company or what kind of industry, I think it is kind of obvious from the picture that I included.

Here's an obvious hint for those who are still rather confused - Events & Soirees galore. (;

Let me recap how the past two weeks has been so far.

I believe it has been rather short but also quite a long week of change for me. But I don't know how to explain my days properly so I'm just going to list down whatever that comes to mind for now and maybe the challenges I've encountered in the past few days then go from there.

1. Change.
Like I said before, I cannot deal with change all that well. In fact, I don't even know how to deal with it at all because my instant reaction to that is just panic and overthink on the worst possible scenario before anything can even happen. I am a creature of habit and would prefer staying in my comfort zone where it is safe regardless of how mundane it is - which explains why I hadn't left my previous company despite how much I complain about my days there off duty.

And then came this new job along with an opportunity which I can't miss, yet I was terrified of having to change my usual routine entirely. Also I had to change my work environment, boss, way of doing things and a whole lot more. Safe to say that I was launched straight into an anxiety attack the night before my first day at work.

But........ As crazy as this sounds, everything went better than I expected & my week has been pretty good. I don't want to jinx things just yet but there have been no hiccups. I hope things just continue the way they are then it'll be good. *faster touch wood a million times*

2. First big event. 
On my second day itself there was a wedding in which the whole office had to go help setup. This was my very first time being part of the crew and let's just say it was more batshit crazy than I ever thought it would be.

Whenever I'm scrolling through my Instagram feed and come across a new picture of the event that my company has done, I find it super beautiful. Foolishly, I never really considered just how much work goes into turning a simple and rather empty space into something that resembles someone's ideal/dream party. Not only does it take a lot of planning days and even weeks in advance, a lot of effort also goes into preparing the actual day to turn out just exactly what has been envisioned before.

And after working for literally 12 hours (setup + tear down) for a wedding, I have so much more appreciation for event planners.

3. Making new friends.
My immediate reaction to number 3 is NO.  HELL NO. GOODBYE.

This is another thing on my list of experiences I wish to avoid for as long as possible. Except when it came to switching jobs, I clearly have to face the giant problem even if I was crying on the inside. I hate making new friends and meeting people for the first time just makes me feel all weird. I'm an awkward potato ohkay. Days and weeks even joining this new company, I was just secretly praying for nice colleagues because working with people who are a pain is just going to cause so much problems.

But like always I'm lucky when it comes to working colleagues & boss. Everyone in the office is really nice even though I was super clueless the first week and stupidly tried to understand how everything works.

4. Work.
Mostly paperwork. Considering the fact that my role specifically means that I handle the entire admin department, it should come as no surprise that I'd be facing this day in and day out. But the amount of paperwork that I've been dealing with in the short amount of time is seriously enough to make me go slightly bonkers. The scary thing is; it never really ends.

However, I am slowly getting the hang of it all and growing accustomed to all the different systems. And just inching my way to the finish line wherever it is at right now.

5. Office.
This is part of the whole change which I also wasn't really looking forward to. Until I was there and.... Yeah, let's just say I changed my mind. Like I cannot even properly explain how much I adore my new office. And because I'm too lazy to explain how it looks like, you get a picture that I sneakily took when I was the only one in the office early in the morning.

Floor to ceiling glass windows!

If you know me well enough then you'd know that I have a small obsession with them. It somehow just makes a space look so much more elegant and spacious, even if it does let in a lot of light.

OMG. The best part of the entire office (aside from the fully stocked pantry) is my table. Right at the corner of the room and against the wall. That makes my inner introvert so happy because I can be left alone to do my work.

And it's time for me to get back to work now. See you all next time!

    

What happens when.....

I can't believe that I'm saying this but 2016 is actually going to be a year of change for me. A big one too and I really don't know how to feel about that just quite yet.

Honestly I'd rather not think too much about it or else I'd have a stupid anxiety attack in the middle of the day. And the night before, I was laughing at the best friend when she had one out of the sudden. INSTANT KARMA. I'M SO SORRY BEB. ;-;

But anyway, what I was trying to say is...

Every beginning of the year or maybe even the few days before, I'd see people posting things everywhere about new resolutions, or looking back on the highlights of that year and then moving on to say how much their life is going to change. My immediate reaction every time is to roll my eyes because I personally think it's damn fake.

Though I think it's cause I never really cared to reflect on these kind of things. At least not for long because well...

1. Over the years my new year's resolutions are almost ALWAYS never kept. After January it all gets forgotten even if I make the same ones every year. So I think, what is the point?

2. And I don't list down all the good things that happened in the previous year because... There's no other way to put it other than I've forgotten most things that has happened after the past 3 months. If I list down the few things that I'm really grateful for then I can't help but feel guilty cause I know I've forgotten a whole lot of other things.

3. It's not like I'm some celebrity or something so who the hell cares about shit that goes on in my life other than a few really good friends. Who I will talk to over whatsapp rather than publicize shit over Facebook. Unless I really want people to say things like 'oh im so happy for you' (read: fake wishes) and if not, then anything I doesn't matter at all. 

4. Nothing really changes with each new year with me anyway. Seriously, my life is so uneventful that it hardly warrants a loooong reflection post before moving onto some new phase. 

That was until the end of 2015. Anyway, I'm probably ten thousand years late to this whole new year crap but.. Eh, I follow the Chinese calendar (like never cause i dont understand) so I'm quite on time. At least in my head.

And this isn't some self-reflective post where I would be apologizing for all the shitty things that I have done or something like that. Nope, there is going to be none of that here. 

Basically.

Honestly I'm writing this blog post to gloat about the fact that I got a new job! While I'm not 100% sure that this is the correct path quite yet but it's definitely a start to something new & exciting. Actually I think anything is better than my previous job that is boring as heck and was actually getting a little too frustrating to be at everyday.

It would be damn bad of me to just go on complaining about everything that was wrong with the old company that I had been working with. Trust me I can go on for days just talking about all of that but then that would be unprofessional and I can't. Though, maybe ask me in person and I might tell you some of the crazy things. (;

I learned quite a lot in the past two years in this company and am quite grateful for all the care that was given to me. Seriously I am so spoiled there cause I'm the youngest one there so most people looks out for me, till a colleague of mine brings me bird's nest dessert every now and then. Lucky or what?

But I think it is time for a change, career-wise which would lead to lifestyle as well I presume, even if I am terrified of the thought of one. I have grown far too comfortable in my current office that there is not much of a challenge anymore hence I do not have much to grow, career-wise.

And since I am lucky enough to get this opportunity, it would be damn stupid of me to not accept it just because I am scared. So yeah, there's going to be a big change for me this year and starting now. I can only do my best and fingers crossed that everything will turn out fine too - even if I'd be complaining like crazy for the first month.

So to my friends, please completely disregard everything I say for the next one or two months and I'm sorry for the incessant cussing & complaints that are coming. Also don't forget to remind me what a great opportunity this is and that I should be grateful. Yep. Thanks.

Such a beautiful feed and sight to look at.

This is just a glimpse of what my future is going to be full of and also, just to make people jealous a tiny bit. Yes, I love to gloat when I can because I can now safely say that I am working the dream job. Or at least as close to it as I can get at the moment.

Wish me luck!

Nothing is so painful to the human mind as a great and sudden change.

― Mary Shelley, Frankenstein

Half empty.

So last night, I watched an update by Bubz and it got me thinking....  Am I really that negative of a person and is it bad for me?

Q & A | Retiring Youtube?

For those who know me very well would know that I adore Lindy to bits. It's kind of crazy to think that I've been watching her videos since way back in the day when she was still living in Northern Ireland, first introducing Tim as her boyfriend and sharing with us the day she was proposed to, getting married and now they've got little Isaac!

There is so many things about her that sets her apart from several other Youtube personas and the one thing I adore about her the most is how much she bonds with her subscribers. Plus she's always giving good advises on how to grow as a person in the best of ways - which I believe a lot of us struggle with, particularly myself.

Anyway, I completely digressed. But the point of me writing this is after watching the newest video on BubzVlogz, it got me thinking about how I view things in my life and that is affecting how I view the world. It is almost completely unrelated to the Youtube video as a whole. LOLOL.

Somewhere in the Q&A session, Bubz talked about how she deals with heartache and disappointment. Honestly I feel like she's such a strong person to be able to still be so optimistic in the midst of so much crap. I'm sure there are lots of things that she is going through but do not show us and that's fine, it is her prerogative to do so. Yet she still manages to look pass all of that and find ways to grow stronger rather than dwell on the negatives.

Which made me realize that I am quite the negative person.

Then I remembered that at some time in the early of this year, I decided to try something new. It was a challenge for myself to complain about my life a whole lot less, or at all really, to stop being so negative about every single thing that is happening whether big or small and start being grateful. Sounds pretty easy eh?

Seeing as I am such a negative potato head I thought maybe this will change my perspective in life. So, determined to complete this self-challenge, I told myself to give it a go since I have anything to lose from doing so anyway.

Fast becoming one of my favourite mottos in life. Plus look at the fluffy ears & tail - super cute. 

The challenge for myself is to go at least a month with an optimistic outlook on life and.... Let's just say I barely lasted a week before I was a giant ball of frustration.

Initially I was kind of pumped up about this little soul searching challenge, hoping that in some small way it will turn a lot of things around and make me see the world in a more beautiful way. Going by something Bubz always tells us is that 'there is a treasure in every trial, there is always a reason to laugh, love and learn'. This is my attempt at being a more cheerful and grateful person.

Though a week later when everything just felt like the bad things kind of snowballed from meh to a freaking hurricane, I lost track of my own little challenge. I started looking at things in a negative light, blaming small little mishaps on everything around me and ultimately I just felt angry at literally everything. And also everyone.

Ultimately, after a ramble, I realized that I can almost never be that way. Not without really trying my damnedest to think of all the good things. It's just not in my nature to be all 'I LOVE THE WORLD #POSITIVEVIBES' or 'THINK POSITIVE AND THE WORLD WILL BE FULL OF RAINBOWS AND BUTTERFLIES' especially not when I am feeling down in the dumps.

I just... I, physically and mentally, cannot. It makes me cringe whenever I try and even at some odd times when I do feel that way, I even get annoyed with myself. HAHAH.

Honestly what I would really need is just a moment for myself to sulk, cry, vent or anything that will let me get whatever that's frustrating me off my chest. Then after I would just confront the problems head on and then see where things goes from there. If some time to myself doesn't work then there's always violent thriller movies or games to try as a last resort.

I know it makes me sound like such an angry person. But weirdly enough, I am not too sorry being the grump that I am and also mad happy that my friends still love me in spite of that.

It's just the way my brain is wired and I'm sick of people telling me 'Look on the bright side! Think positive and you will automatically feel that way!'. Somehow it really doesn't help me feel any better at all and I don't know why, it has more of an opposite effect.

Motivational stuff doesn't work on me ohkay, so don't try and force it because this ship ain't sailing. Don't even guilt-trip me over this too because... No. At the end of the day, you know what I say to all of that load of bull crap?

FUCK YOU, POSITIVELY. :3

Originally from tumblr

Ohkay, sorry about the random profanity.

What I meant to say is that it's very clear that I am a 'glass is half empty' kind of person and honestly, that's fine with me. I mean, I do believe in seeing the silver lining and despite my negative outlook on life, I definitely know that there is a treasure/lesson in every trial.

So I'd have to go through the crappy things and learn from it after persevering, rather than brushing the problem under the carpet with the pretense of 'think positive and it will go away' mindset. Plus there's no reason to pretend to be all happy and all when deep down I know that I am not.

Though to be fair I am trying to be a more grateful person in general rather than dwell on just the bad things that have happened. But this is a learning curve for me and changing completely is obviously not going to yield the best results.

Anyways, TL;DR, after a failed attempt at being a permanent positive sunflower and also some soul searching, I finally discovered the main reason why I am such a pessimist.

Ready for it?
...............................

Are you ready for the ultimate revelation?
..................................................

Truth is........... 

I am........ 

EEYORE~

Originally from tumblr. 

No, that doesn't mean that I am an ass. I guess occasionally I can be one but that's besides the point and I am not literally one if you get my drift. But you gotta admit, especially those select few that understands me really well, the resemblance is definitely there. Most of the time.

Plus I've been wanting to use this line for a while now. It's no wonder why this character, out of all the other ones in the Winnie the Pooh stories, is I was most attached to. Though, if you've actually paid attention to the things that Eeyore says, he is actually the smartest of them all because he's a realist.

And that ends my random thought for today. Let me go bury my nose in the new book and MAYBE be hardworking enough to edit pictures from the other day's launch party before writing a mini blog post.

Until next time lovelies! Bye!